Written by Mancala
I went on this trip to “find myself.” One of my very first journal entries was me having a full on identity crisis. Who am I? What am I supposed to with my time on Earth? What is my purpose? But what does it even mean to find yourself or lose yourself? Look in the mirror and peekaboo, there you are. I understand for some people it’s a lot more complicated than that, but why? Why have we let ourselves feel so disconnected from the person in the mirror that we made up this idea that we need to find ourselves? I am the person in my reflection, and I might be a teeny tiny bit biased but I think that I am pretty cool. So why did I feel the need to find myself?
The idea of finding yourself can stem from a lot of different things, the need for individuality, the idea you can do more with your life, wanting to change; this all stems from not being satisfied with yourself and/or your life. My need to find myself stemmed from the fact that I wasn’t satisfied with myself. But I didn’t need to “find myself” to feel satisfied with myself. What I needed to do was to get to know myself. In a society that is obsessed with being on the go all the time, work, and basing your worth on what you can do for others; getting to know yourself isn’t a priority. It can be hard, especially at the start.
This program has helped me so much with that. I am more in-tune with my mind, body and emotions, my needs, wants and dreams than I have ever been. Ever since our first trek in ToroToro, I have learned to check in with myself everyday. To notice how my body as well as my mind were doing, to notice any pain, to pay attention to what my body was trying to tell me, to notice my emotions and ask myself why I was feeling the way I did. Learning to take my pain seriously and that I need to be my biggest advocate because no one knows me like how I do; that’s the importance of getting to know yourself.
I signed up for this program to, maybe the first time in my life, put myself first. And my need to find myself came from the fact that I didn’t know myself enough to appreciate who I am. So to answer day 2 me’s existential crisis, “Who am I?” I am a buyer of funky things that I think are super cool that most people would say, “who would buy this.” I am a horrible artist (and that’s okay!) I am an enjoyer of hammocks. I am not an enjoyer of overnight bus bathrooms. (Some would say I am actually a hater of them) My hands and feet are always cold. I am a victim of multiple kinds of bug bites. I am my reflection. Through this experience I am reconnecting to pieces of myself that I thought I lost. I am still a dancer, a karaoke enjoyer, a yapper, a loud laugher, an outdoor person, a cats over dogs person. And during this experience, I have learned that I like making word searches and I love solving them. I am a journalist, a trekker…? (a survivor of 2 treks) a compulsive spender, a bestie westie. I am my reflection in the mirror and more. I am a traveler and most importantly I am a learner. As this experience continues I will continue to learn, and as we are approaching the end I know that I will continue learning afterwards. The most important part of your life might just be what you learn from others and what you learn about yourself from your experiences. Give yourself time to get to know yourself. Traveling the world might help you to find yourself, but the easiest way to find yourself is to look in the mirror and take a minute (or 64 days) to get to know who you are.