Written by Samantha
Name: Sabina Thaami
Age: 20 years old
Born and raised in Kathmandu. Currently residing in Chaukati. Has a 2 year old son named Sanish and is married.
This is my letter to the girl who is just like me.
Dear Sabina,
You and I have crossed paths. You come from a path of dirt and mud and I, from mud and water. Still, somehow in this life we have met and managed to make it rain. There’s been so much rain that our paths have gone from puddles to streams to raging rivers. Rivers that are washing away all the dirt and mud. Rivers that are bringing fish and greenery. Rivers that are cleansing our “impurities” and washing away our pain. I was gifted a Nepali name, “Sapana”, a direct translation to dreams. I hope that you always remember when we crossed paths and for a moment life felt peaceful and pure. I hope you always remember that your path wont always be of dirt and mud. I hope you always remember your dreams and know that you can do anything. That you are as strong and tough as the rock that sits on your path and doesn’t move. That you are as giving and nurturing as the dirt on your path. The dirt that gives whatever you plant and nurture, and that you can become whoever you want to be like the mud that gets molded into different things. Remember you are strong even in your weakest moments. Those who have felt pain and struggle know how to appreciate the sun after a storm, know how to smile and laugh even when our hearts are crying, and especially know how to preserve and keep moving. Remember, the snail moves slowly and always faces obstacles and dangers but he never stops or turns around. His end goal is his destination. Sabina, dream of your destination. Envision the sun and the blue skies and the grass full of flowers and believe that’s where you can be. It’s hard to envision love when all you know is pain, but since you know pain you know what not to seek. Trust yourself as I have trusted you. Trust your heart as you have felt her cry. Trust your eyes as they will show you the truth. Thank you for being my friend, thank you for reminding me why I came to Nepal, and most importantly thank you for allowing me to get to know the real you. We are the sun, no one could ever dim our light. Remember that everyday Sabina.
May all your dreams come true, Sapana.
After writing this letter, I gifted it to her. The day after gifting it we had to say our final goodbyes. Sabina tried to be so strong for me… “I hope your journey goes well.” She says, “Remember to text me when you get back.” Then there’s a pause. For a brief moment I’m swallowed by emptiness and the world feels like its engulfed in flames. I stare at her as she stares at me. I could feel her eyes. I could feel our hearts trying to hide our tears. Then she finally let go.
It felt as if it was raining and the rain wanted to become one with my skin. Become one with my eyes. For a brief moment I remembered what having a friend was like. For a brief moment I remembered what walking away feels like. In my heart I wont forget the pain I felt while telling Sabina, “ Remember what I told you. Always read the letter and know ill always be your friend and support you.”
The pain of knowing that she has to go back to her reality and be lonely, and I, go back to mine and do the same. It’s the pain of finally understanding that one soul can coexist with two hearts and two minds. It’s the pain of recognizing that what she seeks is what I have given and what I seek is what she has given. Support, love, friendship.
In that moment I allowed myself to weep like a child who lost its favorite stuffed animal. I refuse to believe that this will be my final goodbye. I believe we will once again cross paths and make it rain. Only this time our paths wont be of mud and dirt. But of fields with flowers and streams. I hope when we meet and our hearts can smile again, you will be living your Sapana and so will I.
My heart burns while writing this and my tears hurt my cheek but this pain was worth being your friend and seeing through your lens.
Goodbye Sabina, until we meet again.
